Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Why Nolan's Interstellar Sucks - 25 Reasons

Okay, to be honest, it doesn't totally suck. It has great visuals of space (not nearly as stunning as Gravity though), great acting by Matthew McConaughey, good premise and thrilling action sequences of interstellar travel. The movie is not "too complex to be understood by simple minds" or whatever the fans bring up every time someone criticizes this movie. If you know basic high school science, you are good to go. But if you are expecting another Dark Knight/Inception style movie with a lot of depth, you will be disappointed. Also, some people are even calling it the most scientifically accurate movie ever made. What?!! It has too many flaws that I will jot down below.

Also, I'm NOT a Nolan hater. I'm the exact opposite, a fan. I'm just disappointed with this movie.

SPOILER ALERT

Why I didnt like Interstellar:

  1. Fuck Love. Love is this. Love is that. Can we get a proper sci-fi movie please?
  2. Black brother always gets it. "Nice black guy gets killed later" cliche. Or maybe coincidence. I dunno.
  3. Hero goes inside a black hole and reaches his daughter's bedroom. Please.
  4. Later, he conveniently floats out of the black hole. What?
  5. What are the odds of the survivors finding a human body floating in the space?
  6. Mann has to kill others to survive? Why can't he just admit that he lied and just walk into their spacecraft?
  7. Highly intelligent future humans had to just put a wormhole outside Saturn to help us. No other way to communicate to the three dimensional ancestors? Maybe even a wormhole closer to earth?
  8. Why is the tesseract inside a black hole, which they were anyway not going to enter?! Why did the higher intelligent beings assume that anyone would enter the black hole to find the solution?!
  9. How the hell did he push the books down from the shelf from within the black hole?
  10. Father: "How did you know that I was coming back?" Daughter: "Because, my father gave me his word *sob*" - Cheese.
  11. Scenes copied from the movie Gravity - camera spinning,  challenging docking maneuvers, silent space explosions,  hero sacrifices his life for the heroine without telling her.  Maybe not copied, but in Gravity, all these were done well and naturally.
  12. Adult Murph throwing the paper sheets down the balcony and shouting "eureka", kissing the guy standing next to her - Cliche and cheese galore.
  13. Cooper's daughter actually doesn't talk to her father for 23 years even though she knows he had to leave to save mankind? What a bitch!
  14. "You walked into the best kept secret on Earth... NASA". So, how do they get enough funding to keep making these explorations while people are starving everywhere? 
  15. Too much background music and too loud that it drowns the cheesy lines down. That actually could be a positive!
  16. Ms. Brand sacrifices mankind to meet her boyfriend. Cheese? Cliche? I dunno.
  17. Then she delivers the cheesiest lines about love of all time. "Love is a quantifiable physical force, the one thing that we can feel that transcends time and space" bullshit super cheese.
  18. Pacing - Too slow in the beginning, too fast towards the end
  19. Matt Damon, who is an astronaut considered to be "the best among them" in the movie, has no idea that he shouldn't open the door to fucking space until the docking is complete unless he wants to be blown into subatoms? What is he, 5 years old?
  20. Soooo many cringeworthy lines - Brand's love quotes - 2 times?, Old Murph's promise related line, "Can't we just let it go? It didn't hurt anybody"... rage into the good night whatever - 3 times, this one... You can actually feel the cringey feeling growing stronger and stronger inside you.
  21. Cooper, our hero, sends his daughter all the information required to solve the scientific problems related to interstellar travel through morse code and a watch from the inside of a black hole in future. Even if we assume that it is possible somehow and that such a device was created by future humans, couldn't he go back further and talk to some intelligent scientists BEFORE the calamities struck the earth.
  22. Fellow astronaut has to teach the more experienced astronaut Cooper what a worm hole is with a pencil and paper. That scene exists only to inform the audience that they are stupid. This could have been done in a better way, and maybe BEFORE they got into the space shuttle!?
  23. The weird scene in the beginning - "Dont kill us", "Lol, we are NASA", conveniently opens a door revealing a space shuttle. What? How... But... Aarrggh. That was like a bad advertisement on TV.
  24. Tars - "They didnt bring us here to change the past." Conner - "Say that again?". "Side character says something simple and the main character gets a mind shattering idea from it and says 'say that again?'" Cliche.
  25. Wasted Conner's son character. In fact, Conner doesn't give a crap about him. Poor Conner Jr.
My friend Mirza's thoughts -

  1. Did they just copy paste Saturn V launch video when launching from earth? The rocket even had Saturn V written on it. 
  2. They used a big ass rocket to launch from earth (escape earth's gravity), but when leaving from the first planet which had higher gravitational pull (125% that of earth), they were able to fly away like it was no big deal using their puny space craft. 

So, it's not confusing cos it's scientific and too complex for my simple brain to understand. It's confusing cos it's stupid in many places.

They could have just stopped with the Matt Damon fight scene. He kills everyone and tries to get into the ship and accidentally destroying it too (when he desperately tries to force himself into the ship without proper docking). The greed of one man destroyed all hopes for mankind - nice anti-climatic ending. Well, at least better than going into his daughter's bedroom through a black hole... Much better than floating out of the blackhole, getting rescued with little oxygen remaining and waking up in a bright hospital room. Come on... people were laughing at this inside the movie hall.


Overheard in the movie theatre:
"1000$ for anyone who can write a synopsis of what the fuck just happened"
"I wish I could travel to a parallel universe in which I understood this movie after watching it"

Links:
http://www.vox.com/2014/11/4/7153791/interstellar-review-christopher-nolan-matthew-mcconaughey
http://whatculture.com/film/15-things-wrong-interstellar.php
http://thediurnalrambler.blogspot.com/2014/11/a-negative-review-interstellar-sucks.html